aetherialslumber | (no subject)

[ His eyes closed, and he leaned against a wall. Reaching a hand to hold the hand of his dear Thancred. ] ...I cannot give it up, no matter what. It hurts.

Or perhaps that is the remnants of Light lingering as well. What would you have done if I had rejected aiding thee, I wonder...?

[Thancred grips onto him tightly, wanting to give Urianger something solid.]. I can't really see that as an option- I think you'd be someone different, otherwise.

Then- I will not push that. And yet- I do not understand why it does not work, if the Court holds a claim on you.

Perhaps. It may still be taking this Shard time to adjust to balance…. I had not thought it likely, though. Perhaps a reading of your aether might assist- if you are willing to allow me to look, naturally. …I would have had to convince the others another way.

...you may look. [ He whispered, looking right at the Exarch. If he could have convinced the others another way... why him? Why was he made to suffer? ]

My thanks. [Urianger, who'd ever studied prophecy- the Exarch had been sure it would be easiest to convince the others of a vision of a future, through his eyes. He does not regret acting to save the lives of their friend and the Scions- but faced with Urianger's hurt, guilt arcs through him. …but that is done. Now, he must do his best to mend what he has wrought- and at least Urianger has allowed him this.

He reaches out, then, trying to employ some measure of aetherial sight to see how Urianger's aether is doing.]

[ His aether is... shattered. Barely held together, trying to escape from a husk of a broken soul. It had always been strong, but right now... many different parts of it tried to flee, many different parts tried to form what it should be. ]

[He can't help a pained sound- can't help trying to reach out, encourage some of Urianger's aether to return to his shape.]

This is… something I have not seen before. I do not know- if you wish, I will do my best to help, but…

…I suspect you know how bad this is.

[ A short nod. He knew. He didn't want to know, but... he knew. ]

I've... theories to why, Exarch. And they are not all related to your summoning.

I tried to become what I cannot be - not simply by being chosen by the Court, not simply by being a soul without a body. My blood is of the Light, and yet I tried to cling to Darkness. I was enthralled, and now that also leaves a scar. I am a fool of a man, Exarch. And now, I am dying. My mind shall go first, followed with this husk of a body.

Ah… hah, but perhaps that would be easier…. [Or at least something done entirely with his power.

He listens, shoulders slumping a little with each sentence. He's heard news of some of this, and yet he had not realised…]

…I would seek to forestall that, should you wish that. I admit that part of my desire to do so is purely selfish, but- I do not wish for you to suffer further.

[ He closed his eyes, finally. Letting out a sigh, as he tried to prevent his legs from buckling. A swift move of his hand, and his cane appeared. Aether sparking, violently, but Urianger barely reacted. ]

We've both so much to handle. Our burdens break us - or at least me.

[He moves, ready to offer what support he can. Ah… that's not much good, either.]

That's true. You have the Court, and I have the Crystarium…. I cannot help but feel responsible. …If you allow me, I would do my best to assist.

[ His lips curved into a frown. ]

But unlike the Court, you and the Maiden wish to serve your people.

…I would be uncomfortable claiming anything else. We are seeking to help.

[ He closed his eyes. Leaning on his cane. ]

Fate found it fitting to gift me this position. One I cannot leave, lest I would be abandoning those I care for. [ Even if they tell him he can leave, he can change his role. He cannot leave them again. ]

…Nor would I wish to ask that of you. [He holds a hand out to Urianger- an offer he can take, if he wishes.] What can I do to support you, then?

[ ...After a moment, he takes it. His body suddenly feels so tired. He frowns. ] I've no solutions, I'm afraid to say. Thancred said that if there was an anchor from the Source... but I cannot recall anything that's suitable.

[His grip is solid, meant to be reassuring, yet not intrusive. All that Urianger allows, and no more.]. Have the others brought everything of yours over? Or else- perhaps if we were to infuse something with the sense of you…?

[ A quiet chuckle, dark and frightening. ] Crystal Exarch. If we tried to infuse something with a sense of me...

...that would take me knowing who I am.

[Dark, yes, frightening, yes- but he hasn't come this far without his share of troubles. In fact, he seems to smile.]

Then I believe we ought to work towards just that.

[ A slump. But he remained holding the other. ]

Rediscovering who I am-- 'twould take too long.

[He reaches out with his other hand, palm up.]

Perhaps it might help if we drew on the memories of all those who know you, then.

...that is how I was revived, long ago. [ Said so quietly. ] For a long time, I doubted who I was.

Perhaps I still do.

Ah… I see. I didn't know the particulars of that, I fear. In which case- would it serve again?

[He grips a little more tightly- just for a moment.] There is no doubt in my mind that you are Urianger Augurelt.

I know not. Besides - I doubt that Elidibus would gift thee aid now.

...sometimes, Exarch, souls from the past awaken. In my case, the being known as Pan sometimes overtakes me as well. A mind from before the Sundering. He grows quieter, but is another complication. But-- [ his voice suddenly turns twisted, angry-- ] Nothing is ever simple, is it?

…ah. Yes, I fear I doubt that. I was imagining… collecting the memories myself- ah, not in such a way as to harm anyone.

From the past…? But…. [He shakes his head- ears pressing back.]. It's more than I would have wished to deal with. But I will do my best, regardless.

It would be best if we began with those here. Those willing. [ He puts a hand to Thancred... ]

...it is cruel. It is bad. I dislike the whole thing.